How Long Can Kids Share A Room
Get Your Kids to Go to Sleep — and Stay Asleep — in the Same Room
Be consistent, get the timing right and, if you're desperate, have one kid camp out on a cot in your room.
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I'm the director of the Pediatric Sleep Center at Yale, and many of the children I see in the sleep clinic for behavioral sleep problems share rooms with siblings. Some families have their kids share a room to foster closeness. For many others, it is a matter of necessity — we don't all live in homes with multiple bedrooms. Although room sharing, particularly in close quarters, often involves compromises (between siblings, and between parents and children), it is manageable and may even have benefits, such as helping anxious children sleep better.
In fact, the practice of giving children their own bedrooms is a relatively recent development in the United States. Until the Victorian era, separate sleeping quarters were a luxury available only to the aristocratic classes. By the mid-19th century, parents and children in middle-class households were sleeping in bedrooms, although room sharing among children remained typical. In 1843, 10-year-old Louisa May Alcott, the future author of "Little Women," wrote a passive-aggressive letter to her parents, fuming: "I have been thinking about my little room, which I suppose I will never have." By the 20th century, a little room of one's own was common for teenagers, however, less information is available about the sleeping arrangements of younger children.
Room sharing is more popular in cities where housing costs are high and space is limited. There is little reliable data available about how common room sharing is overall. In my practice at least half of children who live in apartments share rooms, and room sharing is also the norm for kids with divorced or separated parents who sleep in more than one household.
Whatever the reason for sharing, the challenges remain the same. Here are some tips to help siblings get to sleep, and stay asleep, without killing each other.
Room-sharing basics
Ideally, children who share a room should be as close in age as possible. A 3-year-old and a 6-year-old are more likely to have compatible schedules than a teenager and a baby. (Gender is a factor for many families, although this is not related to sleep.)
You also should think about your children's preferred sleeping environments. Does one need a night light, but the other needs to sleep in pitch black? Does your son require absolute silence, and your daughter demand a white-noise machine? Obviously, someone will need to compromise. If you are sharing a room with an infant whom you hope will move into a sibling's room, it is wise to get the baby used to sleeping in a similar sensory environment to big brother or sister before you make the shift.
Bunk beds are a great solution if both of your children are out of cribs, although for safety the child on the top bunk should be at least 6. This allows each to have a clearly defined space and also allows the older child to stay up a bit later reading with a clip-on lamp. (It's safest to situate bunks in the corner of the room. For more information, refer to the American Academy of Pediatrics Guidelines for Bunk Bed Safety).
Bedtime best practices
Merging two separate bedtime rituals is the biggest challenge parents face when two or more kids share a room. You may want to linger reading Harry Potter to your 8-year-old, while your 3-year-old is probably more interested in a quick scan of "The Snowy Day" and then lights out. Here are some tips on the best ways to manage this: as with all sleep habits, it is important to create a clear plan and stick to it as much as possible.
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Get the timing right. After infancy, a typical bedtime for most children is between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. This window should meet the needs of both the younger and the older child, but many parents assume that the younger child must go to bed first, then the older child. This doesn't have to be the case. Consider your particular circumstances: if your younger child is still napping during the day, she may go to sleep later than the older child at night. If only one parent is available to do your bedtime routine, staggered bedtimes may work better. If two parents are around, having concurrent routines may work best if both children fall asleep at the same time.
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Brainstorm with your kids. Ask your kids what would make them feel most comfortable and ready for bed. If they want to do a simultaneous bedtime, perhaps you can carry out most of your routine, such as reading and bedtime songs, together in one bed, and then move each child to her own bed when it is time for lights out. Or, if your children go to bed at different times, the later routine may need to take place outside of the kids' room.
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Make some compromises if necessary. The best-laid plans must have a bit of wiggle room. It's not always possible to have an elaborate bedtime routine every night for multiple children. Sometimes you may want to just read a few pages of a book instead of a chapter. You may also need to allow your older child a little bit of screen time if he would be jumping on the bed and shouting while you are putting the baby down. Likewise, your kids may chat a little bit or stay up later than you would like. Try to relax and accept that things won't be perfect, especially if your children are still getting used to one another's company.
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Maintain consistency for children who sleep in two households. In my experience, room sharing is more common if parents are separated. Your child's bedtime routine, and her bedtime, should stay consistent between households to preserve high-quality sleep.
What to do if one child is struggling with sleep
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Be clear and firm. It's normal for children to push back at bedtime. Sticking to a consistent, structured routine will help with this, as will taking your child back to her room with a minimum of fuss every time she leaves it for "curtain calls."
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If you need to sleep train, consider moving one child out temporarily. If you want to address sleep issues in your baby, you may need to move your older child out of the room for a short period of time, especially if you are considering extinction sleep training (a.k.a. the "cry it out" method). Typically, older children will be happy to sleep on a cot or mattress in your room temporarily. It's important that you sleep train the child struggling with sleep in the children's bedroom, so you don't create more disruption transitioning her back to her room.
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Pay attention to snoring. If one of your children snores loudly, have him evaluated by his physician to assess for conditions that can cause snoring, such as obstructive sleep apnea.
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Some children may just need their own rooms. If you have a child with severe behavioral challenges, such as autism, she may really need her own space for her own benefit and that of the rest of the family. In extreme cases that may mean you have to share a room with one of your children.
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Don't let one early riser disrupt things for the other child. Older children may read quietly in bed, but younger children probably won't. Encourage your morning lark to wake you up (although this is painful) instead of waking up her sibling. Likewise, if one of your children is prone to waking up at night, it may be worth keeping an ear on your monitor and heading in at the first sign of trouble. That being said, many kids sleep through the cries and protestations of their siblings, especially in the first half of the night (when the deepest sleep of the night — known as slow wave sleep — occurs).
Don't forget the upsides of room sharing
Although my own boys have separate rooms, they love having "sleepovers" in each other's rooms, and these are clearly a bonding experience for them. Many siblings who share a room grow closer, even if they squabble. Anxious children may actually sleep better if they share a room with a brother or sister. And room sharing frees up extra space for guest rooms, offices or playrooms (or extra money for families by allowing them to live in a smaller apartment), which has great dividends for the whole family.
How Long Can Kids Share A Room
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/parenting/siblings-sharing-a-room.html
